and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
