And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
