Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
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I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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