I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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