The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
