i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Randomize
