the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
