apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize