i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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