you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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