She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
