3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
