Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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