I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
