I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
