some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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