I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
please come you make the beer taste better
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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