belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Randomize
