Your tits are I can't wait for
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize