ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
