He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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