but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
