i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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