she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
