They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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