..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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