If that was your dad, he is hot
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
