I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
