Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
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