i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
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