I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize