Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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