the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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