don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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