Moan for me like Helen Keller
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
