I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
