I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
