We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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