just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
