You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize