I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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