Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
