Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
