Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
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look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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