if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize