I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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