Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
