For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
