Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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