we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize