...so i touched it.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
All I want is dick and wine.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
