I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Randomize
