he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Randomize
