it's like iHOP with fire
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Sext me about skeletons
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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