Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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