4 words: hood of his car
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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