me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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