i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
