i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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