I puked a lego.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
