Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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