I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
