my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize