I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
