I'm lost and stupid without you.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
