By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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