And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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