She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
