your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I just gargled with NyQuil
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
