don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
