Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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