I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I think a kid would responsible me up
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
