Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Say something about gay babies.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
