i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
