she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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