You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
