I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Randomize
