we have pet lesbian snakes
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
you are never too drunk for berry picking
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
