Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
COCAINE IS GR8
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
