Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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