So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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